


Delirium

by SeleneJessabelle12626



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Concerned friend Yaz, F/F, Grandad Graham, Space Wives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 06:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16571504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeleneJessabelle12626/pseuds/SeleneJessabelle12626
Summary: Yasmin Khan now knows three things.One, the Doctor touched a plant she shouldn’t have and now she’s hallucinating.Two, the TARDIS will help you if you ask her politely.Three, the Doctor has more than a few things about herself that she hasn’t told her ‘new best friends’.What kind of policewomen would Yaz be if she didn’t try to help a friend in need?





	Delirium

“Doctor! Doctor can you hear me?!” Someone was shouting, who was the Doctor? A touch on her cheek, and the voice speaking again, speaking to her. Oh, she was the Doctor then.

“No use, it's like she’s drugged or something’.” That voice was different, had a funny accent. She giggled at it and forced her eyes open. The sky was so pretty and it smelled so nice. It smelled like the galaxy. She giggled again. The galaxy didn’t have a smell, silly Doctor. No the sky smelled like something else, tasted like something else, something familiar. She stuck her tongue out to taste the air.

“Lipstick!” She shouted, the taste coming to her in an instant. It tasted like lipstick but not just any lipstick.

“ _Hello Sweetie”_

“River! You’re here!”

"Doctor, we’re in a desert, there’s no river anywhere. What are you talking about?” That was the first voice again, sounded like a lady but not River.

“It must be whatever she touched, where’s that plant? She said something about a plant didn’t she?” Oh a third voice, how fun. She had people fretting over her, that was a fun thing, to be fretted on.

The Doctor sat up abruptly, someone jumping back away from her in surprise.

“Doctor? You alright?” Second voice, fun accent, she should really figure out who these people were.

“ _Your friends are worried my love.”_

“’m fine River, you’re fault if we’re bein’ honest.”

“Doctor, my names Ryan, not River.”

The Doctor looked around for a minute before she saw her. River was standing a few feet away, behind a younger man. She was framed by the sun, hair nearly shimmering. She was dressed in flowing white robes that glittered like starlight.

“River.” The Doctor said in relief, feeling tears well up in her eyes. River smiled softly but didn’t speak.

“I’m so sorry, I shoulda never left” The Doctor said, trying to get to her feet but her legs felt like jelly beneath her, giving out the moment she tried to put weight on them. River made no move to help but the Doctor still found herself supported in someone’s arms.

“Doctor I think your hallucinating. There’s no one there.” The woman holding her up said gently.

“Course there is, River’s right there. There’s no mistaking her, no one else in the entire universe has a naughty grin like that.” The Doctor said confidently, trying to take a step again.

“Let’s get her back to the TARDIS Yaz, hopefully it’ll have some sorta antidote or something.”

“Come on Doctor, let’s get you inside.” The woman holding her shifted and the young man moved close, each baring some of her weight on their shoulders. “You’ll feel better in no time.”

“Wait! I can’t leave. Not when she’s here. I’ve left her too many times already. River come with us, travel with me!” The Doctor begged, River giving her a wry little smile in return.

 _“We’ll meet again my love, someday.”_ River said, her form suddenly growing hazy.

“No River! Please! I can’t lose you again!” The Doctor cried, reaching out for her. She watched with tears in her eyes as River faded away in a mist of golden glitter. “River, please” The Doctor’s voice was no more than a whimpering plea as a fat tear rolled down her cheek.

“You’ll be alright Doctor.” The woman holding her up said softly, using her free hand to take the Doctors and squeeze it in her own.

She continued to sob softly as they moved into the TARDIS, her tears only coming on stronger when the familiar feeling of the ship wrapped around her mind. Normally she relished in it but right now it only served as a reminder of how alone she was.

“M’ ring” She mumbled between breaths, thinking about how it had slipped off her finger after she’d regenerated and how she’d never had the chance to pick it up before she’d fallen from the TARDIS.

“You made me lose it!” She shouted, glaring at the console. The two holding her up flinching in surprise out the outburst.

 _“I’m not the one who regenerated in here, again.”_ The TARDIS snapped at her.

“Not like I could help it at that point” the Doctor argued back, ignoring the looks exchanged by the three around her.

“I don’t even know who she’s shouting at now.” The younger man muttered.

“Let’s just get her to the med bay. Hopefully she can sleep it off.”

~

The Doctor didn’t fight them and only had the occasional outburst towards whatever disembodied voice she was arguing with as they got her settled onto one of the cots in the med bay. A beam of light from a scanner washed over her the moment Yaz and Ryan’s hands left her. All three humans were beyond concerned for their friend. They knew she was hallucinating and were fairly sure the cause was the plant she had touched after commenting on how it looked strange. But to hear her so worked up over things they couldn’t see and to see her in tears over someone they couldn’t hear, well it was shocking considering how confident and happy the Doctor always seemed.

The screen above the bed swirled with a circular design they saw repeated all over the TARDIS, the Doctor had said it was Gallifreyan, the language of her people. No matter how many times she tried to explain it to them, they just couldn’t figure out how the series of circles and dots and lines translated to words.

“What’s that even say?” Ryan groaned in frustration, gesturing at the screen. “How we supposed to help her if we can’t read anything this stupid ship says?”

“Ryan I know you’re worried but we have to stay calm.” Yaz said, but she was just as worried. The Doctor had passed out practically the moment she hit the cot, unable to offer any help or guidance on how to help her.

“She talks to the ship yeah? Maybe it can help?” Graham offered, trying his best to take charge and be the leader in this situation. He looked at Yaz pointedly, silently asking her to do something.

“What you just want me to ask it for help? It’s a spaceship and she’s different anyway. Even if the spaceship could talk it probably can’t talk to us.”

“C’mon Yaz, just try.” Ryan urged.

“I don’t see why either of you can’t do it but fine!” She snapped but then cleared her throat and said “Uh, TARDIS, can you help us? Something is wrong with her but we don’t know what to do” she stopped when the screen suddenly switched to English, the complex circle replaced by ‘PROCESSING DATA’

Yaz took that as a sign and breathed a “Thank you.” The lights in the room flashed a cheery yellow and the three of them looked at each other in surprise.

“I suppose that was the ship saying she’s on our side.” Graham noted with a smile.

The screen changed suddenly again, a long word none of them could begin to pronounce spread across it. Next to it was an image of the plant they had seen outside, the one the Doctor had touched.

“See, knew it was that weird plant.” Graham commented.

“So we know what caused her to hallucinate, but how do we fix it?” Ryan asked out-loud. The TARDIS must have still been paying attention because the words ‘RECOMMENDED TREATMENT: REST’ typed themselves out beneath the name.

All three humans let out a sigh of relief. “Bet she’ll have a hell of a hangover when she wakes up.” Ryan chuckled.

“C’mon, you heard the spaceship, let ‘er rest. Lets get a cuppa and then we can check in on her.” Graham said, suddenly falling into Grandad mode as he did sometimes when he felt it was needed.

“I’ll meet you in the kitchen, I want to try and find some more out about this.” Yaz said, waving them off with a nod of assurance.

When she was along with the Doctor, she pulled a nearby chair over to the cot and asked “Okay, what can you give me?” It felt odd talking to nothing but she supposed it was just something she would have to get used to. She expected information would continue to appear on the screen, but instead a panel in the wall flashed a light for a moment before extending out to reveal what looked like a panel of glass. Yaz stood up and pulled it out in confusion but gasped in astonishment when it filled with information.

“Okay, fancy space tablet. I could get used to this.” She chuckled. “Thanks” The lights flashed again in reply.

On the tablet was what looked almost like a case-file that she might recognize from work at home, except entirely digital. The name of the plant was displayed at the top as well as the picture but instead of a simple diagnosis, listed beneath was far more informative.

Yaz skimmed the paragraphs about where the plant was found and how it grew, far more interested in the kind of reaction it caused and why.

_‘Thorns are coated in a mild toxin that while not fatal will cause vivid hallucinations. Tolerance can be achieved by repeated exposure. With care, toxin can be harvested and used in pure form or diluted and combined with other materials with minor loss of potency. SEE FILE: River Song (Subset Hallucinogenic Lipstick)’_

Yaz’s eyes widened in realization. Right there was a link that answered two of her questions. The first word the Doctor had shouted had been ‘Lipstick’, surely her making the connection between the hallucinations and this hallucinogenic lipstick that was on file. As well as possibly explaining whom River was and maybe why she was the one the Doctor was seeing. Yaz tapped the highlighted file link, ready to learn more, but the screen suddenly filled with big red block letters that read “FILE LOCKED” She gave a disappointed sigh but wasn’t all that surprised to be honest. The Doctor had been mostly forthcoming with information when asked but certain subjects she seemed reluctant to talk about. Even with this new knowledge, Yaz had very few solid answers but plenty of ideas of who River might be.

The Doctor had said when they’d first met her that her family was long gone. River had to have been part of it and based on the Doctor’s comments about losing her, felt responsible for whatever had happened to her.

Yaz looked at the Doctor, sleeping peacefully, cheeks still tear-stained and hair mussed, and couldn’t help but feel bad. The toxin had made her see and hear someone very dear to her, whom she had lost. That couldn’t be easy for anyone, even an allegedly thousand-year-old alien from another planet.

With a sigh, Yaz set the tablet aside and stood from the chair. Maybe when the Doctor woke up she could try and ask who River was, but the chances of her getting an answer were slim at best. There were certain things that when asked the Doctor just shut down. Graham had asked where she was from and she had launched into a description that sounded like a fantasy world. The burning red-orange sky and endless mountains covered in scarlet fields of grass, a city of shimmering golden towers encased in a sphere of glass. But when they’d asked about the people, her excitement had fallen into quiet thought. She’d simply said it didn’t matter anymore and quickly changed the subject. They’d asked about others before themselves who had traveled with her and she had said there had been but again changed the subject before they could ask any follow up questions.

Maybe if Yaz told her that she knew about River, the Doctor might be more open to explaining. Either way, it was no use worrying about it now, not like the TARDIS was gonna give her anything more than what she had and she couldn’t ask until the Doctor was awake. “Rest well Doctor, I’ll be back to check in on you in a while.” Yaz said with a soft smile, heading out the door to go find the kitchen.

She was turned around almost immediately as she stepped into the hall. Every door looked the same and she had no idea which way the console room was. She only knew her way to the kitchen from the console room and her bedroom. So she picked a direction at random and started walking.

It became clear after she found the swimming pool, several empty guest rooms, a full-sized garage with a motorbike and not one but three separate washrooms, each with their own theme, that she was lost. “Okay TARDIS, I know I’ve asked for a lot today but please, can you lead me to the kitchen?” She finally said, looking at the ceiling.

For a moment she thought the spaceship had had enough of her requests but then a trail of dots lit up along the floor, leading down the hall where she had come and around a corner. “You know, I think I see why the Doctor speaks so fondly about you.” Yaz said, smiling when the overhead lights flashed.

She followed the dots for much farther than she thought she had come but maybe she really had come this far? She did notice that the lights overhead as well as the walls seemed to be getting darker and she hesitated, unsure but decided that the TARDIS had done nothing but be helpful all day, why would she change that now?

Yaz froze when she turned a corner and was suddenly in what looked like it could be a console room. This one however in no way resembled what she was familiar with. The console room was all full of crystals and those repeating circley line things and just about nothing else. This room was far more elaborate. There were three levels; she had just come in on the bottom. Up a few steps was the console itself, angular and full of screens. The central part, where a giant crystal sat on the console she was used to, was instead a tube with glowing coils that went all the way up. It connected with three layers of panels, each with a unique Gallifreyan symbol on it. Two more sets of stairs led up to another level, more of a wrap-around balcony than anything else, lined with bookcases.

She took a cautious step into the room and the console came to life, lights illuminating all across it.

‘ _I’ve got a few things to say to you. Basic stuff first.’_ Yaz looked around in confusion at the faint voice that suddenly began to echo through the room.

“Are you talking to me?” She asked sheepishly.

‘ _Never be cruel, never be cowardly.’_

“I don’t understand” Yaz said, looking back down the hall where she had come, considering if she should turn back or not.

 _‘And never ever eat pears!’_ The voice continued with a sort of playful taunt in the tone and Yaz realized it was a man’s voice. She slowly approached the console, a hunch forming.

‘ _Remember - hate is always foolish…and love, is always wise.’_ Wistful, happy and, Scottish. This couldn’t be, were these the words of the Doctor? The Doctor that had come before the woman lying in the med bay. The ‘grey-haired Scotsman’ the Doctor referred to.

“Why are you showing me this?” Yaz asked, no longer afraid but still confused.

 _‘Always try, to be nice but never fail to be kind’_ He sounded like he was struggling now, like the words didn’t come as easy and it took a great deal of effort to get even one out.

The Doctor had made passing comments the day they’d met about her entire being changing, about not knowing who she was yet. Yaz smiled a little thinking of the expression of confused surprise on the Doctor’s face when she’d called her ‘ma’am’.

‘ _Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind.’_ The man, the Doctor continued, his voice falling into resignation.

Yaz stepped quickly around the console, looking for a flashing light, a message, anything to give her a hint as to why she was in this console room listening to the echo of what sounded like the Doctor’s last words.

A twinkle on the ground caught her eye as the echo faded ‘ _Doctor – I let you go.’_

Yaz turned and crouched down, picking up the ring resting on the ground. It was a simple piece, a basic gold band and a single round green stone set in unembellished gold. She turned it over in her fingers curiously, trying to figure out what was so important that the TARDIS had led her here seemingly just for this.

There was silence now and had been for a few moments, not even the soft noises of the console that she was used to. Until she heard a soft, astonished _‘Oh, brilliant’_ in her Doctor’s voice. And Yaz’s eyes widened.

“She really _was_ a man. This was when she, changed. Where she changed,” She said out loud to the TARDIS. “But why bring me here? Why show me this? I know you can’t talk but there has to be some way you can explain to me. She said you were alive basically, there must be something you can do?”

She was given no reply and Yaz just looked at the ring again. Clearly the TARDIS had led her here to find this and to show her that the Doctor had been someone before the woman she was now. Perhaps even several someone’s. The Doctor had lived a whole life before the one she was living now and this ring must have been an important part of it, much like whoever River Song was.

Dots lit up the floor again and Yaz took that as her cue to leave, following them and trying not to notice the sound of a lock engaging as soon as the door to the old console room shut behind her.

She pondered the ring as she walked, keeping an eye on the lit path out of her peripheral vision. When they’d entered the TARDIS the Doctor had mumbled something about a ring and than shouted at someone for making her lose it. Yaz paused when she made the realization, this ring was far too big to fit her Doctor’s slim feminine fingers, but it would fit a man’s. “It fell off when she changed.” She said. “And she had only just changed when she showed up on the train” She continued, trying to fit the timeline together in her head as if this were a case at work. “She never got a chance to pick it up again did she? Not before she fell out of here. That’s why she was mad at you. She blames you, or at least she thinks she does.”

The dots blinked as if to say ‘Don’t worry about it, keep going’

“You feel guilty.” The dots blinked again but Yaz just looked at the ceiling. “What happened? She said she fell out of her ship and that you disappeared. What happened between her turning into her and her falling to make her fall?” Yaz asked, trying not to sound accusing.

The dots turned off for a full 30 seconds and Yaz gulped, thinking the TARDIS had gotten upset and decided to abandon her. But then a panel in the wall suddenly turned on and showed an image of the console room she had just come from. There was a man standing by the console, he was dressed in a suit, and Yaz recognized the jacket from the day she had met the Doctor. He looked almost like her granddad, his hair grey and wild.

Suddenly he flung his arms open and torrents of golden energy flowed from them as well his head. It glowed the most radiant color Yaz had ever seen but as it hit the walls of the TARDIS and the console, the ship sparked and flashed and crackled, smoke rising from the spots it touched. The light show died down and through the smoke, in the same place the man had stood, now stood the Doctor, her Doctor.

“Oh my god.” Yaz breathed in amazement.

The Doctor looked dazed and confused for a long time, standing there among the smoke in the tattered suit. She leaned forward to move a screen but then pulled back, and muttered something that Yaz couldn’t hear. The Doctor pushed a button on the console and the entire ship erupted with a shower of sparks and tipped sideways. She fell to the floor and slid towards the door, catching herself and struggling to correct and fix the chaos. The screen filled with brightness and then switched off as suddenly as it had turned on.

“So it damaged you when she changed. That’s why she fell out and you disappeared. So you could get yourself sorted.” The lights along the floor flicked back on while the ones overhead flashed. “You feel bad but there’s nothing you could have done. So you showed me where to find the ring so I can give it to her right?” The lights flashed again and Yaz smiled widely, proud of herself for figuring it out.

“Well that’s one mystery solved I suppose. Better than none.” She said, this time to herself more than the semi-sentient spaceship that she felt like she was getting to know quite well at this point. “These lead me to the kitchen yeah?” The lights flashed and Yaz said “Thank you, for everything you’ve done today.” The lights didn’t flash this time but Yaz started down the path feeling like she’d made a new friend today.

~

Ryan and Graham had long finished their tea by the time Yaz found her way to the kitchen.

“What took you so long?” Ryan asked while Graham moved to reheat the water so Yaz could have some tea, despite them already being finished.

“Just doing some research. The TARDIS gave me a fancy tablet with all sorts of stuff about that plant. Turns out its got thorns covered in a toxin that makes you hallucinate but doesn’t do much else. She should be fine once it’s all out of her system.” She explained. She decided against mentioning the rest of what she’d learned on her little adventure. If her hunch was correct, and they had been so far today, the whole changing process and the ring was likely something pretty private and Yaz was not about to be the one who shared the Doctors private information with the other two.

Graham brought her the cup of tea and while she fixed it to her liking suggested “We should make dinner for her. She was still asleep when I left but I bet she’ll be starving when she wakes up.”

“Was already planning on it.” Graham smiled and Yaz raised her mug in thanks.

~

Several hours later the trio found their way back to the med room, tray in hand. Graham had made Grace’s famous chicken soup as best he could from memory and with the ingredients on the TARDIS. It was good but both Ryan and Graham agreed wasn’t quite right. Either way, the Doctor would probably enjoy it.

“Doc? You awake in here? We brought you something to eat.” Graham said as they entered.

“Oh there you all are. I tried to get out of bed but she zapped me.” The Doctor greeted, looking crossly at the ceiling when she mentioned the TARDIS keeping her in bed.

“How are you feeling?” Ryan asked.

“Fine ‘sides a bit of a headache. Though my legs feel kind of, I dunno, fuzzy.” She said as if trying to find the right word.

“Probably asleep, happens when you don’t move for a while. Happened all the time when I was getting treated.” Graham explained, setting the tray down gently on the bedside table.

“Oh soup! You make this Graham?”

“Tried Grace’s recipe best I could remember, isn’t quite right but we all thought it was good.”

The Doctor took the bowl and the spoon eagerly, taking a big spoonful and barely blowing on it before slurping it from the spoon. The three humans chuckled at her antics and lack of basic table manners but didn’t comment.

“This is amazing!” She enthused and Graham gave her a nod of thanks. “So one of you want to tell me what happened and how I got here because the last thing I remember I was going to show you around Nenevah and then I woke up in here which is never a good thing.”

They looked at each other until Ryan said, “Yaz knows the most I think.”

Yaz rolled her eyes a little but walked over to where she had left the tablet. It opened without a passcode right to the page about the plant and luckily not on the locked page about River Song.

“Where’d you find that?” The Doctor asked incredulously, as thought she had never seen the tablet before.

“The TARDIS gave it to me. I asked her for more information about what happened to you.” She explained as she turned the tablet around so the Doctor could see. “I guess one of the thorns pricked you and the toxin made you hallucinate.”

“You were spouting all sorts of nonsense.” Ryan interrupted. “Something about a River and losing something. Then you passed out when we brought you in here.”

Only Yaz seemed to notice the way the Doctors expression fell slightly and how her eyes softened and suddenly the ring in her pocket felt like a lead weight.

“Hallucinogens, what can you do?” The Doctor shrugged and Yaz finally felt like she was starting to understand who the Doctor really was. She had relived something that obviously hurt her emotionally and was blowing it off as though it was just another day at the office, just to keep them from worrying.

Yaz had thought the Doctor was this incredible, invincible, mad woman who wanted to show humans like them the universe and that was that. That there was nothing more to her. The TARDIS had shown her today that there was much more to the Doctor than what she portrayed.

“Well the TARDIS said you just gotta rest. So we’ll leave you too it. Just wanted to check in.” Graham said, putting his hand on her shoulder in a gesture that screamed ‘caring granddad’

“I appreciate it and I appreciate this soup, it’s great, really.”

“Well, shout if you need us.” Graham said, and Ryan and Yaz started to follow until Yaz paused.

She turned back and said “I almost forgot Doctor, I uh, found this.” She fished the ring out of her pocket and the Doctor’s eyes widened in surprise, the spoon falling from her hand and clattering into the bowl.

“Yaz, where did you find this?” The Doctor asked the joking tone her voice usually had nowhere to be heard as she looked from the ring up to meet Yasmin’s eyes.

Yaz hesitated in answering, unsure if she was supposed to have seen what she did. Ryan bought her some time by commenting, “What’d you find?” peeking over Yaz’s shoulder to see what she held in her palm.

She looked the Doctor in the eyes and carefully said “I just found it, thought it might be important.”

The Doctor took it in one hand and rubbed reverently at the metal and the stone with the pad of her thumb. “It’s my wedding ring.” She said quietly, bringing it to her lips to kiss the stone.

“You’re married?” Graham asked in surprise.

“I’m well over a thousand years old Graham, course I’ve been married. Several times in fact.” She replied and then looked thoughtful “Technically I think I’m married to Queen Elizabeth the First, though I doubt she’d want to acknowledge that now that I’m a woman, medieval England was not kind to same-sex couples. And I don’t know if it actually happened considering two of my witnesses were myself and another version of myself, things get odd when time streams start to cross.”

And just like that the tension had been diffused, everyone laughing at thought. Yaz however couldn’t help but feel that the Doctor had changed the subject away from the wedding that clearly mattered to her on purpose; just like she had anytime her personal history had come up before.

They said goodnight to the Doctor and started to leave. “Yaz, I, really appreciate you finding this.” The Doctor said and there was something knowing in her tone and expression. As if she knew there was more to the story and very much wanted to hear it.

“Course, it’s no problem. Goodnight Doctor, sleep well.”

“You too Yaz.”

~

Yaz did not sleep well; in fact she never got to sleep at all. She couldn’t stop thinking about the Doctor’s expression. The self-confidence and mild disbelief on her face that made Yaz feel like she was back in primary school and had been caught by an instructor doing something bad. Eventually she gave up on sleep and left her room to go to the med room.

She knew the Doctor rarely slept and often spent the ‘nights’ that the humans slept tinkering in the console room or fiddling around the TARDIS. Tonight however she was confined to her bed.

Yaz heard it the med bay before she saw it, an ethereal, echoing feminine vocalization coming from the room where the Doctor was supposed to be resting. It was like a choir made of only one voice, so otherworldly that Yaz nearly stopped in the middle of the hall. She hesitated in the doorway before peeking in.

The Doctor was awake, as she expected, her eyes on the ring as she flipped and turned it over and over in her fingers, slipping it on and off her ring finger despite it being far too large. Yaz watched until the melody ended and then knocked lightly at the doorframe. The Doctor looked up and then back at the ring.

“That was a recording of the Singing Towers of Darillium, beautiful world, mostly desert except for the mountains and a pair of huge rock formations that for some reason, sing every sunset. The last night I spent with my wife was there.” She looked up at Yaz and very calmly and very seriously asked, “Where did you find this ring Yaz?”

Yasmin pulled one of the chairs over to the Doctor’s bedside and settled down in it. “The TARDIS led me to the old console room, an old console room, I’m not really sure. She showed me what, happened, the change. I never understood that you really actually changed. You were a man and then there were the golden lights and you were a woman. I think she wanted me to find it so you could have it again. She felt bad about your falling out. She thought you blamed her.”

“Time Lords call it regeneration. Every single cell in our bodies changes and remakes itself in an instant, rebuilding us completely and wholly when we die. And I could never blame her, I knew better than to regenerate in here but I did it anyway, have several times. I suppose I enjoy the drama of it.” She scoffed softly. “When its just me and her. In a way it’s always just me and her. The Doctor and the TARDIS, off to see the universe, next stop everywhere.”

“Except when its not just you.” Yaz started, speaking carefully. “Doctor, who is River Song?”

The Doctor looked away and remained silent for several long minutes, staring down at the ring in her hands and Yaz worried that she may have crossed a line. She worried the ring back and forth and over and over, opening her mouth once and then twice as if she was going to say something but then closing it before she did.

Finally she let out a soft sigh and asked, “Where’d you hear that name?”

“It was in the file for that plant. It talked about how the toxin could be harvested and combined with other things and said to see the file called River Song and the subset on hallucinogenic lipstick.”

“You try and access it?” The Doctor asked knowingly.

“All it said was that it was locked."

“Because I locked it ages ago, to make sure I don’t see something I shouldn’t. Loads of spoilers in that file.“

“But that’s not all, when you were hallucinating, I think you saw her. You were speaking to her and you uh, got pretty upset. Apologized for leaving her and begging her to travel with you.”

The Doctor’s face fell and her expression darkened, now when she was looking at the ring it was like she was looking a million miles away.

“I shoulda known better than to touch the plant. I thought I recognized it but wasn’t sure. The toxin is tricky. Basically makes you see what you want to see based on what you’re thinking. On a human it wouldn’t be nearly as strong a reaction as what happened with me, different biology and all that. When I realized I recognized it from the lipstick, from River’s lipstick, my mind must’ve shown me her.”

“You did say something about lipstick.” Yaz confirmed and the Doctor nodded. “And then when we got on the TARDIS you yelled at the console, at the TARDIS I guess, about the ring and losing it.”

The Doctor gave a small breathy laugh. “Course I did, because seeing River made me think about the ring and how I lost it when I regenerated.”

“She’s your wife isn’t she? Or was your wife.”

“You are a clever one Yasmin Khan.” The Doctor said softly. “Love a clever companion but some of you can be too clever for your own good. Makes it hard to keep my secrets to myself.”

“I never meant to intrude, honestly. I never even would have known about the ring if it weren’t for the TARDIS showing me the way. I asked to go to the kitchen and then I ended up at the old console.”

“Obviously you’ve well figured out by now that she’s got a mind of her own. Takes me places I don’t know I need to go, shows me things I didn’t know I needed to see, tells apparently anyone what she thinks they need to hear.” The Doctor was looking at the ceiling as she spoke, the lights flashing at her. “Oi, I’m not happy you showed her all that. That was for me, ‘s why I was talking to The Doctor the whole time, ever think of that?” The lights flashed again, brighter this time. “Stubborn mother-hen.” The Doctor grumbled.

Yaz smiled at the interaction but then looked up when the Doctor addressed her again. “So why did you go looking for answers in the first place? You think I’m not telling you all enough about myself?” The Doctor asked, her tone a little less friendly and a lot more suspicious and Yaz wondered for the first time if the Doctor would kick a companion who was ‘too clever for her own good’ off the TARDIS for prying too much.

“I asked for more information about whatever that plant is because at first she only told up the name and what to do. I never meant to go any further than that. I really just wanted to help you get better. Its kind of what I do, as a policewoman, help people.”

The Doctor sighed and laid her head back against the wall, looking somewhat frustrated but not necessarily with Yaz. “I’m sorry Yaz, I don’t mean to sound cross, it’s just, River is uh a, difficult thing for me to talk about. I want to get better, ‘bout trusting people, talking to people about myself.” She gave Yaz a soft smile “My last self was rubbish at it, grumpy old man I was, suppose I’m still trying to figure out how this me feels about talking.”

“You don’t have to tell me Doctor” Yaz started but was interrupted by the Doctor shaking her head.

“But I should. After what happened today I at least owe you that.” She gave a soft smile “Besides, I think it’s time I told someone about her. I’ve had a long time to come to terms with what happened, this me is ready to be the one to talk. Can’t always be getting on you lot to talk about things and then not do it myself.” The Doctor sat up a little straighter in the bed and made herself more comfortable. “Hand me that tablet?”

Yaz passed it over and the Doctor tapped through it for a minute, the locked file displaying.

“So here is what we are going to do Yaz, you’ve got two options. Option one, I unlock this file and you can read the whole thing, start to finish, everything the TARDIS and I have ever complied on the woman known as River Song, but you can’t talk to me about any of it. There are things in that file that this me hasn’t experienced or doesn’t know, spoilers. Or option two is I tell you the story. Mind it won’t be the full story because I don’t know it all yet, but I promise I’ll tell you everything as I know it. So what’s it gonna be?”

Yaz barely even needed to contemplate, taking the tablet from the Doctor and setting it aside with a smile. “I think I’d like to hear it from you if that’s alright.”

The Doctor gave a slight nod, her lips curled into a small grin. “I figured that’s what you’d say. Very well then Yasmin Khan, settle in then, because you are about to hear the story of a lifetime.”

“This is the story of Melody Pond, the most important and incredible woman I ever met, and this is how it begins...”

**Author's Note:**

> I rewrote that last part so many times. I really wanted to try and fit a nod in to Amy's afterword for Eleven because I love that whole speech but still not sure if i'm happy how it turned out. 
> 
> Still not 100% how well I characterized everyone but at least to me Yaz seems the type to be really curious and investigative, so that's how I tried to portray her here. 
> 
> Oh well, hope you enjoyed either way.


End file.
